The following is taken verbatim from a recent conversation with my friend B, over her immense excitement and joy at the creation of this fine blog. Courtesy of my iPhone and the miracle that is text messaging:
Me: Be scared. I just started blogging about my life. How exactly do you make a blog popular? One with lots of sarcasm, a decent and at least R-rated level of profanity, stories of drinking and sex, making fun of people, and other white gay boy problems?
B: Oh God Brant, I'm so frightened. I may have to dissaccociate with you, at least on the Internet.
Me: Watch it, or I'll dedicate a post to what my scandalous friend, let's call her B, did on a __________ last weekend [edited, so that the threats below remain idle].
B: You know I would actually have to hire a hitman if that happened, right?
Me: With what money exactly? Hitmen are expensive.
B: True and I am broke. Guess I'll just have to rely on your good will....I'm screwed.
You also need to stop advertising that you send the same text to multiple friends. As a transparently insecure homo, you should realize girls - and the occasional straight guy with a Betty White calendar on his wall - like to feel special.
ReplyDeleteWe've been over this. You're on the "winners" list. Get used to it.
ReplyDelete